Bereavement & Grief Support

Understanding Grief & Loss

Life has changed for you because someone close to you has died. Whether the death was sudden or expected you may experience a range of strong and painful feelings such as shock, disbelief, anger, guilt, anxiety and sadness. These feelings of grief are very normal but may be experienced differently by each individual. Grieving is the process of going through these painful feelings and learning to live without that person in your life.

Everyone reacts differently to death and it is important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. The way you experience grief will be affected by the level of support you have, the relationship you had with the person who has died, your previous experience of loss and death, your personality and the extent to which your life changes as a result of the death.

Common Reactions to Grief

You may experience some of the following emotional and physical reactions when someone close to you dies.

Disbelief

The initial response to bad news is often one of disbelief – you feel what has happened is unreal, almost like a bad dream. The sense of disbelief can stay with you for some time.

Shock

In a state of shock you may feel numb, bewildered, stunned and unable to think clearly. In some ways shock protects you from the full impact of the death. The sense of numbness will start to fade in a few days or weeks, although it may return from time to time.

Longing and Searching

You may have a sense of longing for the person who has died, to see, hear, hold, and talk to them. At times you may find yourself looking for the person or feel you have seen or heard them, perhaps in a crowd or familiar place.

Anger

This is a normal response to your loss. People frequently feel angry at the unfairness of life or at God for allowing the death to happen. It is also common to feel angry with yourself, family or friends or with those who were involved with caring at the time of the illness and death. You may also be angry with the deceased for leaving you at this time.

Guilt

There is a tendency to go over the events surrounding the death again and again. Bereaved people may blame themselves for things done or left undone, words said or left unsaid. If you feel there was something you could have done to prevent the death, it is important to remember that people sometimes make decisions over which you have no control. You may find yourself focusing on a difficult time in your relationship. Remember that happy and unhappy times are a feature of all relationships. Feelings of guilt are normal though often not justified. It is best to discuss these feelings with someone you trust.

Despair and Hopelessness

At times, you may feel you cannot bear the pain any longer and think you won't survive this loss. It helps to talk about this despair to someone close to you or to your doctor or other professional you know.

Depression

Depression is a feeling of overwhelming sadness and hopelessness that is often experienced following bereavement. You lose interest in everything and ordinary everyday tasks require a lot of effort. Other symptoms may include difficulty with sleep, appetite problems, crying continuously or inability to cry, withdrawal from family and friends, poor concentration and forgetfulness. These symptoms are a normal part of the grief process and therefore should not cause undue concern. However, if they become very intense and are experienced over a long period of time you should seek your doctor's advice.

Anxiety and Fears

Following a bereavement you may feel anxious and fearful about many things. You may be afraid of being alone, worried about your own health, or concerned about how you will cope in the future. Some people experience panic attacks. These physical symptoms of anxiety are very frightening but usually pass quickly. If you have concerns talk to your doctor.

Physical Reactions

Grief can affect you physically as well as emotionally. Common physical symptoms include:

Tiredness and lack of energy
Difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much
Changes in appetite - eating too much or too little
Aches and pains
Feeling weak or lacking energy
Increased susceptibility to infections and illness

Coping with Grief

Take Care of Yourself

Try to eat regular, nutritious meals even if you don't feel like it
Get enough rest, even if you can't sleep well
Avoid excessive use of alcohol or medication
Take gentle exercise - even a short walk can help
Be patient with yourself

Express Your Feelings

Talk about your feelings with family, friends, or a counsellor
Write in a journal
Join a bereavement support group
Don't bottle up your emotions

Accept Help

Let others help with practical tasks
Accept offers of company or support
Don't try to do everything yourself

Take Time

Allow yourself to grieve in your own way and at your own pace
Don't let others pressure you to "move on"
Remember there is no timeline for grief
Be prepared for setbacks, especially around anniversaries and special occasions

When to Seek Professional Help

While grief is a natural process, sometimes professional support can be helpful. Consider seeking help if:

You feel unable to cope with daily life for an extended period
You are having thoughts of self-harm or suicide
You are experiencing severe depression or anxiety
Your physical health is deteriorating
You feel isolated and alone
Your grief feels overwhelming many months after the death

Support Services

Your GP is a good first point of contact for support. They can refer you to counselling services or bereavement support groups in your area.

At Jennings, we understand that grief doesn't end when the funeral is over. Please don't hesitate to contact us if you need support or guidance during your bereavement journey.