Ask Jennings.ie: Writing and Delivering a Eulogy

The word Eulogy comes classic Greek; ‘eu’ meaning ‘good’ and ‘logo’ meaning word. Its purpose is to act as an expression of honour and recognition of the positive attributes of someone who has recently died.

It’s a challenge to write a good eulogy-not because you’re short of nice things to say about your loved one, but because trying to encapsulate their character; what made them uniquely themselves, can be difficult.

As with any public speaking, it can be nerve-wracking, and you should try to bring the audience with you in your speech, so don’t worry if you get a bit sad or falter a little-it’s only human.

From the Heart

A eulogy that comes from the heart is a warm and lovely thing, and gives the whole audience a chance to have a little giggle, or cry along with you and remember the deceased in the most loving and fond way.

It’s a very intimate, genuine part of any funeral service and the one part where people can speak without relying on scripture, notes or elegies written by others.

If you are going to write a eulogy about someone you have loved and lost, the most important thing is to be sincere. Genuine thoughts and emotions have a way of coming across right, rather than florid prose or trying too hard.

Elements of a Good Eulogy

You’ll probably need to write a couple of drafts, and think along the following lines to help you get started:

• Acknowledge the people who are there, who were close to the deceased or who have travelled far to come to pay their respects. Don’t feel the need to mention lots of names; a simple and general acknowledgement will be fine.
• Often the departed had been taken care of by hospital, carers or hospice staff in the days before they passed away. Acknowledge and thank them and the part they played in looking after your loved one.
• What were the highlights of this person’s life? What kind of achievements will they be remembered for, both personally and professionally? Remember that many of the people at a funeral will have known the departed on a professional or business level.
• Did they have any passionate hobbies and interests? Often people meet through shared interests and that tie binds them for many happy years.
• What were they like as a person, were they witty, charming, did they have any really obvious traits for which they became well-known? These little touches in a eulogy can often make the audience feel very close and unified in their recognition of the deceased; sharing in a warm memory.
• Did the person face any challenges during an illness before they died, and how did they handle these challenges? It’s a very poignant thing to talk about how another human has coped.
• What was your own relationship with the deceased, and how do you feel about them being gone? This can be challenging to put into words, and certainly very difficult to say out loud. Don’t worry if you cry, it’s alright to be moved by the emotion saying these words bring to you. Take your time and pause to collect yourself if you need to.

Structure your Eulogy

It’s best to get a structure on your eulogy by putting things down on paper and decided how best to approach it. Do you pick a memory and talk around it, or work back from the day the person left this life, or speak about them in a chronological fashion?

Short, Sweet and Well-Practised

As with most types of speech, it’s wise to keep it relatively short. Don’t rush, and speak clearly, remembering to look up at your audience when you can.

It’s very overwhelming to look up from a eulogy and see all the faces together in one place that were united by the person you have lost so recently. It might make you cry, as the feelings are quite powerful.

For this reason, you should practise your eulogy a lot at home, until you are very comfortable with it and know how it flows. This way you will be better prepared to handle the inevitable emotions that may overcome you while you’re trying to speak.

You can of course include a piece of poetry, or anecdotes-whatever feels right to you. Don’t worry if you get upset; you’ll have a supportive audience who will all have similar feelings.

Deep Breaths

Controlling your breathing makes a big difference when you’re speaking in public, take deep breaths and speak slowly, allowing yourself to pause.

This way you’ll have enough air so you don’t become short of breath (nerves can make you tense up) and your voice doesn’t become high , and the pauses will steady you and make sure you can be easily understood.